Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself
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Revised and Updated, with a New Chapter on Trauma and Anxiety, a List of Resources, and More
Over 7 Million Copies Sold
A cultural phenomenon that has helped heal millions of readers, this modern classic holds the key to understanding codependency and unlocking its hold on your life.
As heard on Glennon Doyle’s We Can Do Hard Things podcast.
Melody Beattie’s compassionate and insightful look into codependency—the concept of losing oneself in the name of helping another—has guided millions of readers toward the understanding that they are powerless to change anyone but themselves and that caring for the self is where healing begins.
Is someone else’s problem your problem? If, like so many others, you’ve lost sight of your own life in the drama of tending to a loved one’s self-destructive behavior, you may be codependent––and you may find yourself in this book. With personal reflections, exercises, and instructive stories drawn from Beattie’s own life and the lives of those she’s counseled, Codependent No More helps you break old patterns and maintain healthy boundaries and offers a clear and achievable path to healing, hope, freedom, and happiness.
This revised edition includes an all-new chapter on trauma and anxiety—subjects Beattie has long felt necessary to address within the context of codependency—making it even more relevant today than it was when it first entered the national conversation over 35 years ago.
PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library along with the audio.
13 reviews for Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself
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Miss Mo –
Great book
I loved and appreciated the entire book. But the most useful part is the list of codependent characteristics. Because with such detail it really allowed me to pinpoint the where these issues showed up in the past and unpack the origins and do some deeper understanding and healing as well as now being super aware currently in the present when these behaviors are showing up so that I can take responsibility unpack some more and do some more healing and taking agency overy life. Great book, well written easy to understand and apply. And very encouraging as to the possibilities of healing. As long as you do the work of course.
Olyvia –
Great book
This is great for anyone who is possibly codependent, lots of examples in here on how one can be and what you can do to get away from doing it in an unhealthy way
Lamar. –
This is an amazing book
My therapist referred this to me and I’m not that much of a reader so I went and got the audio version first and I enjoyed it too much that I bought it just to have the physical copy this book made me look and things so much different and help me understand my codependency more.
Mercedes –
10 STARS!!! This book changed my life and it saved my life!
At the time I bought this book people kept encouraging me to read it because I was in a four year relationship with a heroin user who was physically emotionally verbally abusive. He cheated often and refused to let me go. And I refuse to let him go. I wasn’t sure why I felt I needed his love and I needed him to be around me and I needed to control him, but I did. And that just contributed to my feelings of shame. I wanted to die. I often thought about suicide. I read chapter one and two and for the first time I was able to get the strength to leave him. It took about a month and a half but I left him and that was three years ago. I have not gone back to him. But surprisingly two months after I left him he got into recovery. I was already in recovery for a couple of years. I now have 5 1/2 years clean. He now has 2 1/2 years clean. We’re not necessarily friends because he still has some of the same behaviors but the most important part is I have moved on. I’m still dealing with all of my grief and healing and trauma that happened long before him. But this book showed me how to focus on myself. I finally got my credit together. I finally moved out of low-cost housing. I finally got a job Making a lot of money like I always wanted to. And I finally purchased a preparatory course for the LSAT because I plan on going to law school. Buy this book and read it!!!
Cliente Amazon –
Ok book
It’s good for a new reader trying to understand codependency. A lot of examples come from her experience with alcoholism and counseling.
richard bruckner –
Lots of information that is helpful.
Very interesting… helpful reading it for additional tools in a very toxic family dance…
Phoenix –
candid and beautifully written
This is a wonderful book. A good friend of mine recommended it while I’m going through my divorce. When I start to feel I can’t make it on my own, I pick the book up and start reading. I finished half of it the first night.
Fit4Fifty –
Eye opening
Codependency, like people, comes in many forms… Mine was not from alcoholic parents, or alcoholic family members, or drug abuse, but something just as hurtful and deep… being sexually molested as a child. It’s amazing to see how something can alter one’s life, in ways we don’t see, but feel and continue to feel as gown ups if we don’t get the internal and emotional help we need when we face something as devastating and traumatic as a child. We carry it on to our relationships… the painful relationships we feel so sure that we are able to fix, because we feel it in ourselves to fix, yet we put off fixing ourselves. We choose to overlook our needs, or wants, our dreams trying to fulfill someone else’s. We feel that if we are able to help someone else, that our internal fears and pain will go away, or at least like a pain killer does to the body… will mask it for the time being.I had two failed marriages – first one I was married to a man with OCD… severe. I felt that I would change this man, that I would be able to make a difference and it didn’t, it just made me a very unhappy person, which drove me to a relationship with food, it was a relationship which filled me up, made me mentally content, or so I thought only to see that the only thing from that relationship with food which I gained was weight and I was miserable. I knew that was a relationship I needed to sever, so I began getting help from a counselor and started seeing my unhappy life from a different perspective, getting the help, helped me see that it was not so hard to get out of. Yet I went back to what felt comfortable… and soon after that I went into another relationship, with a alcoholic man which I saw at the time as being a “social drinker”… another “victim” which I felt I could help, I could cure, I could change. Although he is now a recovering alcoholic, he put me through the mental wringer – this too ended in divorce. And then… the married, “I will get a divorce… cheated on his wife with me” boyfriend… three years I was with him and three years I listened to the lies he told me when I would see texts from other women… I lived in constant denial – we would break up and we would get back together… it was always me who wanted to make it work. Two days ago was the last straw! I said NO MORE!!! Wake up Linda and stop living a Lie!!When I began seeing a counselor again a few months ago, this time with the yearning and longing to make a life change for the choices I make. My doctor suggested I read the book on codependency and I am three quarters through it. I’ve read so many eye opening moments. It is altering when you see that what you are going through you are not alone, and you begin to understand your worth, not by trying to change someone else’s life, but by making the choice of taking control of yours! This book is helping my inner child grow up and see myself for the genuine and amazing person I am – I have so much to give myself! So much love, attention and respect! I have always looked for that in others, when really no one can give it to me if I don’t give it to myself first! I have a new perspective on my life and the relationships I will allow in my life. Life is about choices… it’s never too late to reevaluate and improve on oneself – this book has helped me open up my eyes to that! I am not closing them, and when I blink, I will reflect on the lessons I have learned from my failed relationships and my will to know the difference and to make a change for only better!
Daniela R –
I was so excited to read it with all the positive reviews but it was a waste of my money and time, shallow book, and lacked realistic and practical help, she author even says she is not an expert on the topic and it only talks about how to deal as a codependent of someone dealing with alcoholism… waste of my money..
aditi –
A lifeline when you think all is lost. Melody Beattie speaks lovingly, compellingly and reassuringly through her book offering guidance and hope to anyone who has experienced dysfunctional family life. She helps you to literally regain balance and sanity when one’s world may be growing progressively crazier and difficult to cope with.When you feel alone, frightened, overwhelmed and lost…when you feel locked into isolation and believe yourself beyond human help…this book reaches out and lovingly leads you upward out of the dark abyss into sunshine…helping you understand powerful truths at integral levels and helping you discover that there is life beyond the painful chaos that has come to be your life.
Kindle Customer –
Recommended by a counselor. Although it does talk quite a bit about being a spouse of alcoholic, it doesn’t take away from the pervasive theme of the book: if you’re allowing others to affect you so deeply that you forget who you are – you’re codependent. That’s my take on codependency. I didn’t particularly agree with some concepts of what it means to detach, some of them came across as selfish however I think if you’re detaching with integrity, and not throwing others under the bus or lack consideration for doing the right thing then it’s ok. This part of the book requires a bit of critical thinking to get through. Overall, I think it’s an excellent book, easy to read and follow and is helpful in my journey. It is helping me to get back to my baseline of how I used to be, prior to certain events; it’s actually making me feel very calm and compassionate toward myself. Good excercises too. It’s thought provoking but not mentally draining. Not much repetition, new concepts in each chapter.
Miss H –
A coworker recommended this book to me, after witnessing my turmoil of constantly being taken advantage of professoinally and personally. She said, it opened her eyes.With doubts, I bought this book. I had just a little bit too much from everyone. I wanted to stop feeling like a victim. I did not understand why people think of me as a bitch, even after I did so much for just everybody and none for myself.This book, saved me.While devoting a significant portion to discussing substance codependence and dysfunctional relationships (between lovers, friends, families and any human beings), it showed me the most important lesson that I learned: be true to yourself. If there is something you do not like, say no. Do not say yes because you expect a certain behavior from the other person. What he/she does, is irrelevant. What is it that you want to do? And more importantly, what is it, that you do not want to do?Recognize that, and learn to respond to it.I do not have anyone in my life who is dependent on alcohol or any substance. But I have experienced the same disappointment when someone you love fails to act responsibly. I used to be angry, sad, depressed and still feel them for many different reasons. Feelings are fine. I have learned, after reading this book, how to react to my feelings.I don’t know whether I would have understood this book 10 years ago. But I do now. If you feel the pain I used to feel (and sometimes still do, because it is a long way to recovery), please read this book. Please feel better and say no to people who take advantage of you. Please love yourself enough to be codependent no more.
Amazon Customer –
Great book, absolutely life changing. Written in the 80’s but I think where it says ‘Alcoholic’ you could substitute the word ‘Addict” or ‘Narcissist’ and it means the same. Very enlightening book.