The Fair Play Deck: A Couple’s Conversation Deck for Prioritizing What’s Important

Valuable tool for reducing relationship stress & improving communication
I’m a clinical psychologist who studies stress in families, so I am very familiar with the problems these cards are helping to solve– uneven division of labor, poor communication, nagging, and resentment. I recommend these cards to all friends + family who are struggling to find a more equitable way to manage their household. A few things I really like about them:–They make invisible labor visible. Yes, there are cards for the obvious daily grind tasks, like dishes and laundry. But there’s also a tooth fairy card (“Magical Beings”), a card for thank you notes, maintaining adult friendships– so much of the behind-the-scenes work that keeps a household humming but goes unrecognized and unacknowledged. When you have a task on a physical card that you can hold in your hand, it helps make these kinds of tasks concrete to both partners.–There’s an upside for both partners. These cards aren’t just a clever way to trick your partner into doing more chores. As Rodsky stresses in her book (which I *highly* recommend reading before deploying the cards), this system isn’t just focused on the sheer number of tasks that each person does, but in making sure that each partner feels total ownership of the tasks they take on. So there’s less cross-talk, redundant effort, and less of a need for partners to check up on each other. In short, less nagging. When you take on a whole task- conception, planning, AND execution- it is more satisfying and meaningful, and it gives your other partner the freedom to trust you and not feel compelled to micromanage. The cards aren’t really for score-keeping, but for improving communication and accountability between partners.–The cards are fun! Household labor is usually not all that enjoyable, and it’s a common area of conflict for couples. The “gamification” aspect of these cards takes a topic that is often a bitter slog, and make it feel playful.

Great Potential
I was so excited to receive this product once it was available, and I read through the cards then shared them with a friend right away. But it has been sitting on my counter unused for the past year. There are so many task cards to go through and discuss with a partner, and I love the potential conversations it would bring up, but we have never used it. Maybe that says more about us than about the product.

Big cards, very little information
These cards were a disappointment. They are big- think tarot cards rather than playing cards. That would be perfect if the cards included all the great information about conception, planning, and execution available on the Fair Play website. But they’re comically large considering they contain no real information. It feels like a missed opportunity. I’m already doing the labor of reading the book and convincing my husband to “play” this game with me. I was hoping these cards would take over the hard job of explaining each task. It’s less of a “conversation” deck and more of an opportunity for me to talk at my husband about all of this- again. Now I have to add “dropping these cards off to return” to my to-do list.

This is such a great tool to promote healthy conversation with your partner about the visible vs invisible load of a family. Random things you’ve never considered come up and resolved in the same conversation.

This deck is a great starting place for even making partners aware of the mental/responsibility load being shared. Can’t recommend enough. Would suggest a follow up with the Newsom Documentary of the same name. Definitely a great way for partners to understand one another better.

This was a great way to visualise the workload both of us have and to reassign certain activities – clarity around housework most definitely helped!